TIME TO MAKE UP!
A Yom Kippur Thought
Friends,
Yom Kippur is a day for forgiveness and atonement. In just days we’ll be standing before G‑d, asking Him to look past our misdeeds and see us for who we truly are; We will ask Him to “forgive and forget”, and seal us for a Healthy and Sweet New Year.
The Talmud, in discussing Yom Kippur, discusses whether Teshuva, repentance, is a necessary prerequisite before we can expect to forgiven on Yom Kippur. Talmudic opinions differ on this subject, as they so often do. But there is broad agreement on the following point: If one sinned against a fellow human being, there is no atonement on Yom Kippur unless and until one has first been forgiven by his victim. How can we possibly expect G‑d’s forgiveness before first doing whatever possible rectify our past behavior?
Judaism further teaches those of us who have been hurt by others not to harden our hearts. If approached sincerely, we should do our part to heal the rifts, to reconcile, to forgive and forget. We may have been truly wronged, but forgiving is the Jewish way. There is no virtue in holding on to grudges.
Approaching someone to say sorry and forgiving when I sincere request is made, can both be quite difficult. Most of us can point to families which have been separated, communities torn apart, great people who have failed in their goals … simply because they couldn’t find it within themselves to follow this simple, straightforward path. How many petty arguments quickly turn into big fights and worse, causing so much unnecessary pain?
Alas, this is human nature, to which no one is immune. Not even our small community here in Simi Valley. In fact, being a small community, the effects of such unresolved rifts can be so much more damaging to all of us.
So as we approach the last 72 hours before the holiest of days, let’s look into those friendships which we have let lapse, those resentments which we have allowed to fester, those apologies we chose not to make. Let’s ask ourselves what we can do change the dynamics of those relationships into ones which fosters love, friendship, and unity. Often a simple phone call, an overture, is all that it takes to repair a broken relationship.
And when approached by someone who appears to be trying to mend his or her ways, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. More often than not, the person who upset us didn’t mean it in quite the way we took it. Let’s remember those times our own words or actions were taken wrongly, and how terrible we felt about it. All we wanted is to be understood better. Our fellow Jews, family, or community members deserve the same from us.
On a personal note:
If you think something you said or did that may have offended me, don’t bother asking for forgiveness. It probably wasn’t an issue in the first place; And if it was, it has long been forgotten. Just don’t do it again!
I’m only human, and I’m as prone to weaknesses and mistakes as anyone else. If something that I said or did in the past offended you in some way; or if you were hurt by something you felt I should have said and done but didn’t – either way, please know that I deeply regret any pain or unease I may have caused, please accept my sincere apologies, and please grant my request of forgiveness.
Yom Kippur is a great opportunity for a fresh start. Let’s utilize it to its fullest. There is no greater vehicle for blessing than Ahavat Yisroel, love of a fellow Jew, and Achdut Yisroel, unity amongst Jews. Isn’t it worth every effort?
May G‑d grant each and every one of us the forgiveness and atonement we seek on this special day. And may we all be sealed for a good & sweet, healthy & prosperous new year. “Barchenu avinu kulonu ke’echod” – Bless us, our father, united as one.
L’shana Ha’baah Be’yerusholayim.
Rabbi Nosson Gurary
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